Official website.
Written by: Danny Zuker
Main characters:
Phil Dunphy
Claire Dunphy
Haley Dunphy
Alex Dunphy
Luke Dunphy
Jay Pritchett
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett
Manny Delgado
Cameron Tucker
Mitchell Pritchett
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - PHIL DUNPHY and LUKE DUNPHY enter laughing over a joke Phil has written. He tries out the joke on CLAIRE DUNPHY.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEADS - Phil says he's preparing jokes for a real estate banquet. Claire acts totally supportive.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Claire alone. She fears Phil is going to bomb - he's fun, not funny. Claire blames herself for always laughing at his jokes... with her mouth, not with her eyes.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEADS - Phil reads off one of his lame jokes. Claire laughs with her mouth.
INT. DELGADO-PRITCHETT HOUSE - JAY PRITCHETT wants to go play golf but GLORIA DELGADO-PRITCHETT thinks he should go to the quinceanera (a kind of coming-out-to-society party) for the daughter of one of his employees. Jay agrees to go to show that he doesn't think he's above his employees, he's close to them.
INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL'S HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - MITCHELL PRITCHETT is worried because CAMERON TUCKER has started working out, which means wearing revealing bike shorts. (Cut-away of Cameron going through Mitchell's work-place, wearing his clingy bike shorts and drawing looks.) Mitchell can't tell Cameron about the shorts because Cameron is sensitive about comments about his physique. (Two cut-aways of Cameron getting upset over nothing.)
OPENING CREDITS
INT. HEALTH CLUB - Claire is worked up because she can't tell Phil his jokes stink. Mitchell is going through something similar with Cameron and the bike shorts. They agree to switch - they'll drop the bombs on each other's significant other.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - HALEY DUNPHY overhears ALEX DUNPHY being all needy during a phone call to a popular girl at school, Mackenzie.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Haley can't have this Mackenzie making Ale jump through hoops like that, it's "bad for the family".
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - Haley grabs Alex's phone away. Asks if Alex wants to be popular or not. Haley has Alex tell Mackenzie she's too busy to talk right now and to call back later.
INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL'S HOUSE - Claire arrives bearing baby clothes for Lily. Cam is wearing those bike shorts.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - Mitchell arrives to do his part with Phil.
INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL'S HOUSE - Claire works up to telling Cam about the bike shorts, but Cam thinks she's asking him to dress her. he's delighted until she tells him he has to lose the shorts. Cam goes to his bedroom to cry.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - Mitchell wusses out on his end of the deal, he can't bring himself to tell Phil his jokes are lame.
INT. EVENT HALL - Gloria thinks Jay doesn't even know any of the people there. Jay call out "Hey Carlos!" and waves back to the guy who waves.
INT. DELGADO-PRITCHETT HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Jay confides he's lucky only one Carlos turned around to wave.
INT. EVENT HALL - Jay pays Manny to get the names of people without Gloria knowing. Over at the bar Gloria learns that the quinceanera is actually next door, they're in an engagement party. Jay calls out to her to stop being a snob and to come over to meet one of his friends.
INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL'S HOUSE - A supposedly outraged Mitchell agrees with Cameron that Claire had no right telling Cameron to lose the bike shorts. Claire calls and chews out Mitchell for not living up to his end of the bargain. Mitchell thinks Cameron has left the house and says the deal was for Claire to get Cameron to stop wearing the bike shorts, but Cameron is still wearing them. Cameron overhears and goes to his bedroom to cry.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Claire says she's just going to tell Phil, there's tough moments in every marriage. (Cut-away to the banquet hall where Claire spots Phil's cue cards and steals them.) She'd decided to "go another way."
INT. CAMERON AND MITCHELL'S HOUSE - Mitchell tells Cameron he thinks their relationship is strong enough for candor. Cameron tells Mitchell he doesn't like his beard. Mitchell goes to shave off the beard, Cameron stops him - it's enough that Mitchell was willing to do it. They make up. Cameron says Mitchell can make it up to him by doing his shoulders. Mitchell goes to shave Cameron's shoulders, Cameron meant a massage. Oops.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - Hayley is proud of how Alex handles the latest call from Mackenzie until Alex slips up and mentions the reason she can't stay on the pone is because she's doing homework - the call snowballs into a disaster from there.
INT. BANQUET HALL - Phil panics over the loss of his notes. Claire encourages him to just go up there and be himself.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Phil says that without his jokes he had no choice but to "play it straight."
INT. BANQUET HALL - Phil starts off dry, but lands an improvised joke.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Phil - "But Phil Dunphy is no straight guy."
INT. BANQUET HALL - Phil kills the room with his off-the-cuff jokes. Claire is surprised by how good he is.
INT. EVENT HALLquinceanera he thinks he's at. Jay is outraged when the bride and groom, whom Jay thinks are a father and daughter, start dancing a little too closely.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - Claire raves about how good Phil was. Phil knows Claire took his cards - he's not angry - but maybe it's not Claire's job to keep the Dunphys from falling, but to pick them up after. They come across an upset Alex - "I have no friends." Claire goes to work.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - Luke is cracking up over Claire's impression of a woman at the supermarket. She does the impression, Phil laughs.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - TALKING HEAD - Phil - "That's not what she sounds like."
END OF SHOW
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